This information ideally should all be one post, but due its size has to be done over several.
I met my ex-wife in Morecambe in 1965 and a few weeks later found out she was pregnant after a one night stand with another man. After she had given birth in February 1966 and the baby was four weeks old, as a naive nineteen year old, I married her, against both parent’s wishes, and legally adopted the child, Mark and brought him up as my son. In 1969 my ex and I had our own child, my daughter Joanne.
Mark had always been a problem child and in 1984 as an eighteen year old, he was rebellious and drinking heavily, His intolerable behaviour resulted in my ex giving an ultimatum, “It is either him or me”, so I had to find him a flat in Morecambe. Due to his problems he was never able to hold down a job and didn’t work for seventeen years.
In 1991 my ex had an affair with her best friend’s, Pam Povey’s husband (Charles Povey), Chas. Because of my ex’s affair we had to move from Morecambe to Longridge. My ex said she wanted to leave Morecambe because she was frightened Pam’s family might try to harm her. I have since been enlightened by Pam Povey that my ex was also entertaining other men. Below is Pam Povey’s email which we received on 1st September 2023. For clarity, Towers was the Cash and Carry in Morecambe where my ex worked with Pam Povey.
The move did not improve our relationship – the trust had gone. I admit that after this I had an affair which destroyed what little respect either of us had for one another.
I met Amanda at work in 1995 and started a relationship with her whilst I was living at my parent’s house in Morecambe.
My ex’s plan since 1995 has been to destroy Amanda’s secretarial career at BAE Systems, and as an artist here in Spain and to destroy our marriage.
In 1995 even though my ex was the one who ruined the marriage she wished Amanda “A long and painful death and hoped I sat and watched it”.
In 1995 when Amanda and I had just started living together, my ex wrote Amanda a letter which started at the very beginning in bold capitals, “MONEY MATTERS”, as she was well aware that with my financial commitments we were relying on Amanda’s salary to survive.
She then devised a plan to destroy Amanda’s secretarial career in the hopes of destroying our relationship.
To achieve her aim, she used her deceased father’s Freemasonry contacts with the BAE Systems Senior Management in the departments which Amanda worked, spreading serious lies and rumours.
In 1996 I started divorce proceedings. My ex said she did not want a divorce and said “I know you will marry her and I don’t want that bitch to have your name”.
1997 my ex started a relationship with my cousin Terry Durkin who also lived in Morecambe.
1998 my ex told my daughter that “Terry is okay but I wish it was your Dad”.
After much procrastination and the destruction of many lawyer’s letters by my ex, the divorce was finalised in April 1999. This was when things escalated in the department where Amanda worked,, which we believe was because the divorce had been finalised and my ex knew that I would soon ask Amanda to marry me.
By the end of June 1999 the Resources Department where Amanda worked was disbanded by the Site Director. Amanda as a Senior Secretary in Resources department achieved four consecutive yearly assessments of “commendable” and was in line to achieve “outstanding” which is the highest appraisal in BAE Systems. She also had a job description setting out her duties etc which was mandatory within the company. When the Resources department was disbanded, Amanda was assigned to a new manager in Works Services department. At the time of leaving the Resources Department, Amanda’s salary was £33,000 per annum. From this moment on, Amanda never received a job description which is contrary to company policy, nor did she receive a pay increment.
Within six months the Works Services Management team had been reorganised and new Managers were brought in from other sites.
Without consultation, Amanda was assigned to a newly promoted Facilities Manager whose previous experience of a Senior Management role was somewhat limited.
In July 1999 Amanda received monies from an insurance policy and sought financial advice, asking my boss Neville Davies if he would ask his financial advisor to talk to us.
We were surprised when a woman, Gillian Rhodes, came as we were expecting the man who Neville had recommended. Gillian Rhodes was married to Andrew Rhodes who eventually became the Chief Constable of Lancashire.
She gave very little financial advice but was insistent that Amanda joined her in September 1999 as a guest at the Oyster Festival.
At this afternoon event there was champagne etc, and it was suggested by Gillian Rhodes that they should spend the evening in Lytham St Annes, where she would introduce Amanda to “eligible bachelors”. Amanda found this offensive, immediately phoned me to collect her from the Oyster Festival as this seemed a put up job to interfere in our relationship. After this we never heard from her again and she never contacted Amanda with financial advice nor was there ever a bill.
We believe that this again was proof that since the decree absolute in April, that my ex was determined to ruin our relationship before I could propose marriage to Amanda.
In April 2000 Amanda and I got married. On returning to work from our honeymoon in May 2000, Amanda became aware of a change in attitude from her manager who became rude and controlling, monitoring her every move.
I was aware that something was very wrong as this working atmosphere was adversely affecting Amanda’s health. I told Amanda to resign as her health was more important but she continued because of the financial pressures it would have put us under as I was paying a considerable amount to my ex for the house at Longridge.
Boxing Day 2000
Mark and his partner and son came to us for Boxing Day. He told us that he had spoken to his Mother saying he was taking his son to see his Grandad and Granny Amanda, which caused an outburst in which she said “She is not the Grandma!”
It became obvious on this day that Mark’s alcoholism was out of hand as he drank 33 cans of beer and was still capable of standing upright. Unsurprisingly, in 2002 his partner and son left him due to his excessive drinking and bad behaviour.
In 2002 we discovered that my ex was in serious debt. This came about because Amanda applied for a Marks and Spencer credit card which was refused because of her credit rating. After investigation it turned out that this was because Amanda’s surname, Mrs Bilson, was on a blacklist as my name was still on the Longridge property which had serious debt attached to it.
My daughter told Amanda her Mother owed over 60,000 pounds. When asked how this had happened, my daughter said to Amanda “You don’t want to know”.
This was unbelievable considering the amount of the total monthly payment I had given her since 1995 to cover mortgage, utility bills and insurances.
In 2003 after three years of bullying and harassment Amanda sought medical advice and was signed off with Work Related Stress. Amanda’s secretarial career had been destroyed by my ex through the Freemasons by February 2003.
As per BAE Systems policy in 2003 whilst off work, Amanda invoked the Respect at Work policy which involved an independent assessment of how she had been treated, That policy was upheld which eventually led to legal proceedings, the findings of which we cannot disclose due to a confidentiality clause.
It is appalling to know that my son and daughter were aware that my ex was doing this to Amanda’s career and health, as Amanda was kind and loving to both of them and to the grandchildren.
My daughter we now know has been involved all along assisting her Mother’s agenda as she was frightened of losing her Mother’s financial assistance.
Mark was prone to phoning us when he was drunk, criticising us and everybody else for his own failings. On this occasion in 2004 whilst Amanda was still ill and stressed by the legal proceedings, Mark called and let out a load of verbal abuse against me. This type of behaviour was previously tolerated and ignored, but on this occasion it was the last straw and Amanda snapped and told him the truth about his parentage. Amanda cannot be blamed for telling Mark as he was cruel and disrespectful to both of us many times.
2004 after taking early retirement, Amanda and I moved to Spain. According to my daughter my ex asked “Is this move to Spain all done and dusted?” and when my daughter confirmed it, my ex was furious.
2005 we flew back to the UK for my Mother’s funeral. I told my daughter that due to my ex’s bitterness she was not welcome at the funeral. However, on the morning of the funeral my ex phoned my daughter and said she was turning up whether we liked it or not. A friend of ours observed my ex at the funeral and told Amanda that my ex never took her eyes off me. My daughter told Amanda the only reason my ex attended the funeral “was to see my Dad”.
October 2005 my daughter informed us that my ex had been cohabiting with Terry at the house in Longridge for which we were still paying the mortgage. Terry had sold his house in Morecambe and was living at Longridge full-time. We employed a family lawyer in the UK to achieve a clean break. He said that our previous lawyer had given us appalling legal advice with regards to the amount of maintenance money paid over the 9 year period. He said we should sue for incompetence as a woman with no dependant children should not have received that amount of money per month to remain in a three bedroom detached house for which she contributed zero funds. During that 9 year period my ex was paid between £1100 – £1500 per month, which covered the mortgage, utility bills, plus some disposable income, totaling nearly £135,000. This took the largest part of my monthly salary and only because of Amanda’s salary were we able to afford our monthly commitments.
The clean break was achieved and resulted in my ex getting the detached property at Longridge which sold in December 2007 for £220,000. It had an £80,000 mortgage giving her £140,000, plus she got insurance policies worth around £90,000. My daughter told me my ex was furious that we had achieved the clean break and was also very angry that she had not been able to get a third of my pension.
July 2006 we had to fly back to the UK to attend the funeral of my son Mark. His death came as no surprise as I told Amanda when I first met her in 1995, that the way he lived his life would mean that he would be dead before me. As stated previously, Mark was an alcoholic with many problems.
Early 2007 my ex married Terry and we thought this may be a turning point and that it would stop her bitterness, sadly it did not. My daughter told us that even though my ex had married Terry she was still bitter. She also told us that Terry and his daughter were unaware of my ex’s affair with Chas Povey and that she had warned my daughter to keep her mouth shut.
Summer 2007 we learnt that my ex had bought a static caravan in our old neighbourhood in the UK. There was no other reason she did this, other than to contact our old neighbours who had been to our house in Spain to house sit for us. My daughter was aware of this fact and must have passed this information on to my ex. I believe my ex bought the caravan to find out about our life in Spain, this was later confirmed by our neighbours. We were very perturbed by this as she had recently remarried, but this development proved that she was still obsessed and had not moved on and was going to such lengths to find out about our life.
Christmas 2007 my daughter told us they would be on their own at Christmas because my ex was going to Terry’s daughters house for Christmas Day. We invited my daughter and family out here and Amanda cashed in some shares and paid for all their flights. We had a lovely Christmas together.
June 2008 Terry, my ex’s husband sadly died and my daughter said her Mother was even more bitter than before. When my daughter was out here for her summer holiday she told us that Terry’s daughter Helen had fallen out with my ex because my ex was the sole beneficiary in Terry’s Will.